Deserve the Greatest

Communication and Relationship Tips
Small Ship

Staying on a Sinking Relationship: No Good

We all know of someone (maybe someone we were interested in) who had a relationship for over four years. Now, imagine staying in a relationship for such a long time and then just breaking up. All those years of doing almost everything together went down the drain. Such a drastic thing (you can gasp), especially if it’s for reasons involving health or the partner having to move far away. Maybe even as drastic as a person finding someone better.

I would like to talk with you about people staying in a relationship for so long and having it end all of sudden, despite the fact that the partners are mostly healthy, not going anywhere or not finding anyone better for them, among other uncontrollable, outside issues (Family, friends, etc.).

I lied about the last part: They’re pretty controllable. But anyways:

What reasons would there be for finally breaking up after being with the person for a long time? Believe it or not, any issue that causes the break-up (constant arguments, lack of sex, over-protection, etc.) was there in the very beginning. Insecurities and limiting beliefs don’t just appear out of nowhere (although it very rarely does) and causes the relationship to end. Yes, after four years (or any amount of years), chances of a person becoming insecure (constantly listening to negative information about the other partner and believing them) and having limiting beliefs (converting to not having sex anymore because you read somewhere that it’s bad) are high, but for the most part, you and/or the partner comes into a relationship equipped with negative “baggage” (no, not the ones you bring to the airport). We all carry those heavy problems in our lives and in ourselves, but some people can lighten it up more than others.

The issue that usually happens is: The person didn’t choose wisely. Yes, that’s right; the person did not do his or her homework. The cases usually are:

   1.   They didn’t look out for negative cues like their bad habits. If they did, they’d ignore it, shoving it off like it won’t happen again (yes, even picking the nose).

   2.   They didn’t read into how the other person’s previous relationships ended. Yes, past relationships are the past. However, it’s how it ended that we need to be vigilant with.

   3.   The other person doesn’t want to be touched or kiss, even after having a good time on a date, and the body language of the other person shows it.

   4.   The relationship of the other person’s family is not good. Especially with the father.

   5.   The other person releases their anger in an unhealthy way.

And many more things you can think of. These issues will pop up in a relationship. Some people are in denial and choose to stay in these relationships, like staying on a sinking ship. If the person doesn’t like anything or feels that the issues will deteriorate the relationship the person should make this harsh decision of ending it if the issues aren’t resolved.

By doing this, the person can benefit from not dealing with any unnecessary drama and be open to find someone a lot better. Can the issues be resolved in a dying relationship? It would take a lot, but hey, it’s worth a shot if the person really loves him or her. But getting into a relationship is like getting a used car: The person have a decision of getting one that’s in great shape, or one that’s in a terrible one. He or she can spend the incredible amount of time and money to make the latter one great, or enjoy life with an already great one and only deal with very few bumps on the road.

Question: What was your longest relationship? Let me know below! (No account needed)

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  1. Dayana isabel

    This is truth!

  2. Heather

    While this does happen often, it’s not always the case. Time changes people, and sometimes it changes a couple as well. It can be a lot more complicated than the typical issues that come with relationships.

    • Hey, thanks for visiting and reading! Well, there’s always going to be exceptions when it comes to everything (for example, a mac can’t always not be infested with viruses). But I can agree that over-time, things always change, and a relationship is no exception. Whereas I noted that people bring into the relationship very heavy baggage, it can be developed in one when certain factors trigger it. But let’s ask ourselves: What could trigger them? How often do an outside source trigger it? And is it not from inside the relationship?

  3. Heather

    If baggage affected every relationship like that though, then no relationship would ever really last. I ended a 5 year relationship and I don’t think baggage really had anything to do with it, I didn’t really have any baggage going into the relationship. My values and beliefs seemed to change though and that changed the happiness I once felt with this person.

    • That’s right. The baggage would be so huge that it won’t be easy to unload, which eventually results to the relationship ending. Your’s ending seem to fit the other reasons why it would end (like relocation for a job, family-related, finding someone better in very rare cases). I’m not too sure, but it seemed like the education and experience you received has made you see the truth in something. There is indeed many other reasons why a relationship would end (after a short time or long). What I discussed are the common reasons, as reasons such as being more enlightened and something as dramatic as losing a job and not getting back up aren’t as common as the main issues I addressed.

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