Being in a Fake Relationship: Don’t Kid Yourself
I have a good friend (nice guy, very talkative) and he’s been heart-broken before because of a four year relationship he got out of. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him. As I already knew as the act of “rebounding”, he immediately ask a girl out to be his. Then, like eating Italian one night and eating Chinese the next, he got into a “serious” relationship with another girl and proclaim his “love” to her.
But it all ended way too soon. They finally realize that they weren’t really in love and now time and energy has wasted. To make things worse, he decided to go through his “list of girls” and picked another one to “fall in love with”…
Now, we all know someone like that. We know that it’s one thing to commit and truly love someone, but it’s another to just be in a relationship to fill a “void”. It’s one of the many reasons why the divorce rate is so high, especially in the United States; people get into relationships for the wrong reasons.
So let’s analyze quickly why that is. Psychologically, the reason a person’s unconscious behavior is the way it is is mostly because of the Paradigm, or the embedded habits that not only was developed in childhood, but has always been in the genes for many generations (crazy, I know!).
I already hinted on a person’s childhood. Believe it or not, if a person’s parents raised a child a certain way, it is a huge determinant on how they will grow up. And keeping with the topic of this article, the biggest determinant is if they’ve gotten enough love, growing up.
If the child was constantly being yelled at for very trivial things (or was always exposed to their negativity) and/or one of the parent (usually the father) was not around [often], then that’s the void the person is trying to fill when they try to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
As you can tell, this is a humongous topic, but what I’m getting at is this:
Whatever you lack but need, you always go and get it, somehow.
Could be a good thing or a bad thing. If you need food, for example, even the homeless write something on a piece of cardboard and beg for money to get food. People would call that survival.
But if a person need to be in a relationship because it’s not enough that you have yourself, then that’s a problem.
The fact is, when you learn to forgive the past, be willing to change for the better, and realize that you have the most important person already: YOU. Then that “void” will disappear, little by little, and you’ll be ready to be with the second most important person, who would also love him or herself.
Question: After leaving a relationship, do you automatically feel relieved or do you feel empty? Comment below (no account needed).
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